111425270659627443 Saturday, Apr 23 2005 

“After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you the scholarship in view of the keen competition”

That is the long-awaited sentence I have been expecting to hear since the start of this month. I finally found my official rejection letter by DSTA in my mailbox today. I have already believed that I would not be granted this scholarship at all even though I had some hopes pinned on getting through the 1st interview into the 2nd one. Looks like I have to lower my hopes even further then. I’m thinking the reason for my unsurprising failure is because of the interview again.. as usual, I never got past any interviews that I have gone for, since secondary school. (An exception was the interview that revocated me into preventive medicine branch; but it is another matter altogether since i was selected solely because of my academic results.)

And there cannot be a more inappropriate timing for this letter to reach my doorstep than .. today. After what has happened yesterday. No, it’s such a coincidence it’s almost diabolical. But maybe it isn’t, maybe it’s just a message telling me to just be contented with where I am now. Whatever the case, bad news just comes in a package it’s fucking irritating.

(??)

111419777142730793 Saturday, Apr 23 2005 

what a depressing day, argh. eh, time for the long-overdue account on the hongkong trip which i HAVE to elaborate because it is so unforgettable.

ok firstly, the trip was from 7 to 10 april. ya i know, long-overdue. initially, four of us were supposed to go. (three cousins and an adult, our aunt, who planned the whole trip as a final getogether before one of my cousins go overseas for her degree pursuit) the plane was at 6 a.m. and so we all had to wake up at 3 a.m. which means all of us did not sleep much the day before, and one of my cousins, who had already been anaemic in nature, slept 1 hour only, plus 1 more hour on the plane. the moment we reached hong kong, soon after a nice meal of “zhao pai wonton”, i was accompanying that cousin back to the hotel while the other two went shop-hunting. and suddenly, on the way back, she just fainted, without much warning. should have grabbed her all the way, but i didn expect it to happen anyway. just fell face down on the floor. i quickly called the hotel manager who told us where the hospital was blah blah. according to my upper study, she suffered from jet lag due to low blood count and lack of sleep. the hospital wanted her to have an immediate blood transfusion, which she refused. in the end, my aunt accompanied her back to singapore the next day. (transferred the date of flight.)

so that means, left me and the other cousin!just the two of us to roam the streets of hong kong for the remaining 3 days. (plus the first night where we walked in “jordan” aimlessly looking for a good porridge restaurant.)

there was a half-day-tour in the 2nd day, where we went places like aberdeen, hong kong island, jacky chan’s jewellery shop and a chinese herbal medicine shop where the shopkeepers have unique ways of making you buy their stuff. after that, we were all on our own, armed only with three maps, the “jiu yang shen gong”, a brief guide to good places in hongkong, the “shi yang shen gong”, an imitation map because it is so useless, and the “ru lai shen zhang”, the most detailed map which helped us the most. haha, lame right?!

being not exactly very skilled with our navi skills, we ended up being lost MOST of the time. for example, when we wanted to go ESPRIT “warehouse”, we walked the wrong direction only to realise that after moving three grids of the map northwards, and reaching an ESPRIT “branch” which we thought was the “warehouse” in the first place.

and then, another time, we wanted to “save money” by walking from Prince edward MTR (hongkong’s MRT) to Mongkok since it was only one stop away. thanks to my fucked up map-reading skills, i suggested going down a particular street which just happened to be opposite from where we were supposed to go. ended up at “deep water street” MTR. one stop away from Prince edward, the other side. LOL.

and then we learnt the hard way that Tsim Tsa Tsui MTR is extremely big, and is a twenty minute walk from one end to the other.

but in general, i’m rather proud of ourselves. we managed to visit the places that we had wanted to go in our original plan.

as for the food, we tried:

  • the “steamed egg”, hot and cold, white and yellow, not bad!
  • “stewed pigeon” on the last day, and my cousin was so fascinated by it that she videocammed the pigeon, much to the bemusement of the other customers in the shop.
  • “smelly beancurd”, which i’ll NEVER try again.
  • a heavy “dim sum” meal in a restaurant we happened to walk past, probably a bit too heavy for our own good because we had a hard time walking to “bird garden” after that.
  • “che zhai mian” for supper in one of the nights; it wasn’t that nice also, or maybe just too unique for us lol.
  • hongkong “macs” where they were promoting an asian “nugget sauce” promotion, such as malayan satay sauce, japan curry, thailand chilli mayonaise and singapore honeyed mustard. yea, i am wondering too, if the “honeyed mustard” really originated in singapore? cuz i’ve never heard of it before, hahaha! but it tastes not bad though. but the best is still the wonton we had on the first day, it’s a really satisfying meal; if not for the lack of meal timeslots i would have wanted to eat it again!

as for the places we go, we stumbled upon “temple street” by accident on the first day, and officially visited it the next night. we went to “l—– (forgot name) east and west street”, as well as “women’s street” where we bought a shit load of stuff, for ourselves and our relatives.

we visited what used to be “teddybear land”, before realising that it had closed down long ago, much to my cousin’s dismay.

we took a walk at the “avenue of stars”, a path that recognises hong kong stars in the 20th century that had been very influential and successful, as could be seen by their names and hand prints on the floor.

we visited the “bird garden”, which is simply a place full of very adorable birds, lol.

we went shopping at “times square”,the biggest shopping centre in hong kong; reminds me of taka over here.

we took a trip to “esprit” warehouse (the long way), thinking that the clothes sold there must be cheap. they are, but damnit they aren’t very appealing either.

on the last day, we went to the “huang da xian” temple to pay our respects, and got cheated of some of our money by some old women at the entrance, stuffing all sorts of religious items into our hands, and before we could say no, they were demanding us to pay. and inside the temple, we both didn’t know what the procedures were, i mean we just heard of this place before and thought of visiting, that’s all. so i just stuffed the joss sticks into one altar (which is not supposed to be the case)

places we “roamed aimlessly” include Causeway bay, Mongkok, tsim sha tsui, and central.

on places that we “accidentally” came across: a road filled with designer shops, for the rich. a small platform where a famous hongkong singer (wu hao kang) was signing autographs, lots of familiar restaurants such as macs and ajisen, a small sex shop (not sure if my cousin saw it though), several roadside “lap sap” buo nuo vcd shops, several branches of HMV which we did extensive shopping in, because the ORIGINAL vcds are 1. super cheap!, and 2. generally uncensored. i mean, stuff like “texas chainsaw massacre 2″ and “last temptation of christ” cost only S$3 each, and will probably never be found in singapore, so i bought a copy of them, lol!

hence, we spent most of the time in hongkong buying stuff, mainly on clothes actually. it wasn’t too long before we reached Day 4, when it was time to go back. did some shopping in the airport, bought a few snacks for our relatives, as well as wine, and magazines (no, not those kind, but games magazines. though i was chided by my campmates and zhiyang for not buying penthouse for them lol) to read on the airplane. the airplane had a very good menu, (with chef’s recommendation some more! and haagen das ice cream for dessert), and the in-flight entertainment was excellent!

and then, we reached singapore at around midnight, 11th april. ah, quite an unexpected trip, but definitely memorable.

-flashback complete, back to present-

damnit, my whole body still itches, and my skin horribly peeling from the bad sunburnt we had last weekend at sentosa. (five of us sunburnt, three of us took MC, i’m one of the remaining two who didn’t… *beams with pride*) and what a depressingly enlightening day, so maybe it’s time to sleep lol.

111417901784040368 Friday, Apr 22 2005 

all along i thought i have always wanted it this way. until he told me otherwise.

i’m not going to lie, and i know i’m killing myself. because i want it as much as the others, only for different reasons, reasons that aren’t really on their priority list.

so .. that means i’m not going to have it my way, but if i’m not who they’re looking for, then so be it.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

111278667863994199 Wednesday, Apr 6 2005 

hmmm…. i seriously need a break. the past few weeks has been rather tiring. (mentally). mostly due to work.. in camp. had major quarrels with my immediate superior last week, and voicing out all our (me and my upperstudy’s) grievances like how he pushed all his work to us and yet still treated us in a fucked up way. and then, kena punished by one staff officer during last parade for not accounting for my men (i had wanted to account but because it was rather late and … long story.) and then the whole place had a 180 degrees change, discipline was stepped up (supposedly) and atmosphere was bitter. on top of the work that just keeps piling on my desk which is already messy to begin with. i’ve worked extremely hard these days, but i was only barely meeting deadlines.

hence, i’m taking a break. going to hongkong.. in about 11 hours time. with a few of my cousins. hopefully it’ll not make an impact in camp. my upperstudy seems to have no clue with this case i’m doing … and i did not finish by today when i’m supposed to. so, i’m passing on the work to him and feeling quite guilty about it. Argh… since when have my thoughts been so saturated with … work?!

on things i could have done last year but only did this year, i just took basic theory test and passed it – barely, i think. since i already identified five mistakes upon leaving the examination hall. and you fail when you make six or more. i went for dsta interview which was… never mind. anyway , the results supposed to be out by end march, but up til now i wasn’t informed of anything. which means i wasn’t shortlisted so … -_-. (kinda expected actually) i swear i will pay a hundred bucks just to see why i screwed up. sigh…

there were happier occasions such as the ocs commissioning parade, where i was honoured to witness the transition of oct benjamin, ping khuan and lingkai into 2LTs. it was that moment where i really felt so happy for them .. you know that feeling you can’t stop smiling. ah well… we started off in the same secondary school, same cca, same class… and it’s amazing how we lead totally different lifestyles now. -_-

Wo yuan bian cheng tong hua de
Ni ai de Na ge tian Shi
Zhang kai shuang shou
Bian cheng chi pang shou hu Ni…

tong hua – guang liang