One of the “features” of all the Youth Conferences I’ve attended so far is that it always left me feeling hugely rebuked. And that is a very unpleasant feeling, although I acknowledge that it is necessary for me. This year’s youth conference is not much different.
I learnt a lot a lot a lot from all the pastors. The Bible Study was especially rebuking. You know the theme for this year’s conference is “Be Strong”, and I entered the camp expecting to find formula on how to get strength from the Lord. Well to some extent there are indeed “formula” to follow, what we call principles, but this strength is really different from what I expect it to be.
Firstly, RP Chris talked about principles to follow, if we truly want strength. Principles like seeking the presence of the Lord all the time, like meditating on His Word (which of course includes application of His commandments to our lives), like mentorship, like diligence. He spent a lot of time on the diligence thing. Like if we want to find strength, we need to diligently seek the Lord. If we want to do well in exams, we need to diligently study.
Well, in all honesty I haven’t been doing either. That is why the sessions with him was especially rebuking. I’m probably (borderlinely) classified as one of the Christians”who you know just do nothing and pray about having good grades. And they do give Christians a bad name. You know, like a few weeks ago during exam studying period, jh was saying ‘there’s a bunch of Christians in nus chem eng who always gather together and hang out together. and they don’t study one. they just pray…’ Of course my immediate response is ‘Not everyone la!’ It’s true I know some Christians (me included) who do that, but I also know many Christians who don’t, they study hard and they commit everything beyond their control to God. Of course God is definitely infinitely more important than studies, but we can’t just expect to totally not study and then you know just pray and pray and pray. That’s like jumping off the 100 storey building and then say if I am a child of God He will save me. That’s testing God. I, unfortunately, have been using this excuse. Everytime I failed to study, I’ll just say “Oh, studies is not the most important thing in my life man. God is!” What bullshit.
Which brings me to the next issue. So I claim to myself that God is more important than studies in my life. Did I spend the time which I didn’t study and read more God’s Word, and seek His presence more? No. I spent the time SLACKING. I’m in every aspect a mediocre Christian. I cringe when my friend says “oh you don’t have the time to study because you are in church on sundays”. As you can see, diligence in both aspects are kind of linked. Most people I know who are diligent in seeking the Lord, are also in turn diligent in studying. Only a few days ago did I realise Pastor’s son was a straight A student in ri, rjc and yes in uni too. And there are many more godly people in church who bear similar testimonies.
Pastor Charlie’s evening sessions, on the other hand, talked really more about God’s grace than His strength. Because ultimately everything we have, including the fact that we can even pray to God, that we can even worship God, is because of God showering His unmerited favour to us – His grace.
2 Corinthians 12:9 reads “My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness“. The truth behind the paradox of strength is really refreshing to me; I have never seen God’s strength in such a way before. All I thought was you know “Dear God please grant me strength.” And then I wait, expecting a suddenly infusion of power into me and then hurray I’m strong and I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.
But when God says His strength is made perfect in our weakness, what He really means is He is not going to take away our weakness, our character flaws, our situational difficulties. But His grace is sufficient. Trust in God’s grace that everything turns out for good. So I’ll flunk my cn3421 and cn3132 this semester. Never mind. Trust in God’s grace. So my future is really uncertain and may seem bleak at times. Never mind. Trust in God’s grace. So I am battling sin problems every day. And ask God why am I still struggling so much. Never mind, just be obedient to God, and trust in God’s grace.
For when we fully appreciate the grace of God (The one who gives us salvation, the one who gives us access to Him, why would He not give us anything else we truly need?), we stop worrying, we stop fretting and herin lies the strength of God, made perfect in our weakness. We understand our weakness, we accept them, and with right mindset we have the right attitude to change. Such is the strength of God. For if we have no weakness, we don’t even see the need to depend on God. And His strength doesn’t come to us.
There are many other things I learnt so many that to type them out is like writing a novel already. And I resolve to myself (hopefully it will sustain), to make some changes in my life.
- Pray more frequently, and in an appropriate manner now.
- I try to pray aloud whenever possible (of course praying in the bus I will do it silently heh)
- I plan on what to pray before praying. So that my prayers don’t get messy and slipshod.
- I pray in a manner that is right. So no more (believe it or not I actually had such audacity in desperate times) “Father Lord please grant me good results. I promise I will seek You more.” Rather pray respectfully, in a manner you would speak to a King, in the context of the grace of God. May God grant me the grace to pull through the tough times, may God grant me the strength to face the difficulties, may God grant me good results if it is in accordance to His will but if not, may God grant me His mercy and let me know that He is always with me.
- Read the Bible more properly. No more using the fan to flip the pages, and then tell myself “ah well I think I read enough.” (Which I’ve been doing like 99% of my past QT)
- Read the Bible in a routine manner. No more rubbish like ”Hmm. Quiet time after dinner. But my friends waiting for me to play TF2. If I read Bible before that I”ll keep thinking of TF2 so may as well do it after the game.” (Which I’ve been doing like 90% of my past QT)
- Apply the principles in the Bible in my life. Not just the peripheral things like do not curse and swear etc. but also, you know, do not give up in the struggle against sin, do not get angry over things, do not worry, stay joyful, help others whenever possible, care for friends etc.
There are many other things, which regrettably, I am still unable to follow. But I’ll try and do the above, more immediate issues, which are already extremely difficult to do. I wouldn’t say I’m confident that I”ll fulfill them all, but I will try, and I will pray that God give me the grace and strength to enable me to sustain this pattern that is so needed in my life.
Oh, one thing I love about YC is that we really sing a lot a lot of nice songs! And we learnt a lot of new songs. I was hoping we’d sing “His Strength is Perfect” during YC, and guess what we sang it like five or six times. We even sang other not so common songs like “Trust His Heart” and “Grace”, as well as the usual staple “Power of your love” and “Shout to the Lord” , all very nice songs. That we sang “Trust His Heart” was a pleasant surprise to me because it had been my favourite song for the past few weeks, during the examination period. And we learnt many new songs, and the nice ones include “Blessed be your name”, “Complete” and “There is a Higher Throne”, which I’ve heard a few months ago and included it in my playlist already. I hope my church includes “Before the Throne of God above” in the future, I think it’s another very nice encouraging song, on how not to be discouraged when Satan tempts us to despair.
In the meantime, I think I have more time in my hands now, I will catch up on my PS3 games like Fallout 3 and littlebigplanet.
