God is too good to be unkind. Sunday, Apr 17 2011 

So when you don’t understand, when you can’t see His plan, when you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.

The Ludlow Tuesday, Aug 17 2010 

As evening fell, a maiden stood
At the edge of a wood.
In her hands lay the reins
Of a stallion.
And ne’er I’d seen a girl as fair,
Heard a gentler voice anywhere.
Whispered, “Alas…”
She belonged, belonged to another–
Another forever.
Yes, she belonged to
the twilight and mist

– James Horner

It’s been really long.. Monday, Aug 2 2010 

Since I last posted. A lot has happened. Will write about some of them in more detail next time.

1) graduated. B.Eng majoring in Chemical Engineering.. with Second Upper Class honors!

2) got a freaking B for my thesis. And I don’t think I deserve to get so low!

3) bought Red Dead Redemption and completed it.

4) traveled. Stayed in Frankfurt, Germany, for 3 days, on my own, then met up with sq at Boston, stayed there for 4 days, crashed at his friend’s rental place, then both of us joined qx and zy at Manhattan, stayed there for 8 days.

5) currently working as an instrument engineer in a Japanese engineering house.

6) FINALLY went to a eurodance-themed club, after a few years MIA. that was when I concluded that I’ve outgrown such stuff.

7) just watched Aftershock and House of Sand and Fog. Depressing stuff, but great.

C a n t o canto canto Monday, Feb 15 2010 

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=293912487980&ref=mf

The next event I’m looking forward to, after the absolutely awesome muse concert!

This is a “canto sparks” kind of party, for people who missed the good old days of… what? Club III, Rush, Music Underground, Paradigm, Sparks, Canto.

I am hoping to get at least a few people who are willing to go, and then it’ll be all set! It will be different from the old techno clubs of course. I’m just going to drink a little bit, and there will be no cursing and fighting. THERE WILL BE POEMS THOUGH, but all in the name of good fun. I’m sure all of us who have lived the days of ah beng techno have all grown up already anyways!

CALL HIM MR RADAR! CALL HIM MR WRONG! CALL HIM MR VAIN! ONE MORE TIME!
CALL HIM MR RADAR! CALL HIM MR WRONG! CALL ME INSANE! WU YA BOH!

RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY AND SAVE YOUR LIFE!
RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY IF U WAN TO SURVIVE!
IT’S TIME TO BREAK FREE… OOH OH OHO OH EH OH EH OH EH OH EH OH
RUNAWAY.. OOH OH OH OH EH OH EH OH EH OH

OI! OI! OI! OI! OI! OI! OI! OI! OI! OI! AIYA! AIYA! AIYA AIYA AIYA! HUAT LA! HUAT LA! KAO PEH AH!

BOYS! BOYS! BOYS! SIAO CHA BOR AH SIAO CHA BOR! … eh wait. this one is mambo, not techno. oops. 😀

happy 2010 Wednesday, Jan 6 2010 

So my thesis deadline is today. This marks the end of the tons of simulations i’ve done over the past few months…. until poster presentation in March. And my holiday has officially began… until school reopens next Monday.

it’s been really long man. I still rmb just about one month ago, I was asked to re-do this whole set of simulations. I had like dozens of simulations, each one taking 30 minutes to run on a 16 GIG RAM computer. And there is no guarantee whether they could converge or not. To make things worse, there is only one 16 GIG RAM computer which i could access in school, and the lab was only opened on weeekdays, 0830 to 1730. Thing is, in many cases, by 1630 I would be asked to leave, and sometimes the people came late, so the lab wasn’t really open at 0830. Finally, that computer crashed VERY frequently. With all these mounting problems, I really thought I wouldn’t be able to finish on time…

So began my almost daily weekday routine in December, going to school at 0830, doing work until 1730 then go home. There seemed to be some significant progress actually, thankfully. Then a new problem arose: what to write in my thesis?! By three weeks ago, the discussion part in my thesis was something like this:

“The following shows a graph of X vs Y. As can be seen the relationship is fairly linear. The following shows a graph of A vs B. As can be seen the relationship is not so linear.”

I thought I wouldn’t be able to write anything substantial on time.

Then began my daily work from 8 am to 2 am every day. And somehow everything pieced together nicely come the last few days or so. I could actually cough out 61 pages of report, with 23 pages of discussions (though half of the pages consists mainly of graphs only)

The report is not considered as well written by many. There were many things my prof asked me to do that I couldn’t do. But it’s a vast improvement from where I was four and three weeks ago; I felt like I had been given a second chance and I told myself, hey it’s good enough, considering not too long ago I was actually considering asking for FYP extension.

So today we went to play left 4 dead 2, after having the heavy burden removed from us since July heh. Honestly I don’t think I enjoy the game anymore. It’s getting really repetitive. And those swamp maps like Swamp Fever and Hard Rain, it’s really a bore to play. Especially if everywhere looks the same. Waters and wooden houses, and you get lost all the time. I wanted to sleep while in the game, like seriously. Even when surrounded by hordes of zombies, I wanted to sleep. Oh, but versus gameplay is still fun. But we didn’t play that today due to lack of people.

And then, I think many would already know that the power supply unit of my desktop malfunctioned for a short while a few weeks back. Now my computer can still run, but that brief incident indicated that the power supply unit is dying, and I gotta buy a new one before it dies for good. So I went to sim lim square, got deceived into paying a high price for a low quality power supply unit, went back, and tried to install it into my desktop. And failed. Lol. I was so peeved. Firstly, the Dell computer casing is designed to discourage people from using any things that are un-Dell. You just can’t fit the PSU into that compartment nicely without scratching the PSU casing. so now there is a portion on the casing where the sticker is kind of gone, and the black paint is also scratched off. Secondly, no matter how I fixed the inputs and outputs, the computer just couldn’t switch on.

I was about to give up until I told my friend and he asked if I turned on the switch of the PSU already. Turns out, that was indeed the reason why it couldn’t switch on, and now i feel like a freaking idiot lol. In any case, I need a molex to SATA connector to get the PSU up and running properly, which I don’t have at the moment. So it’s back to the old power supply unit until it dies.

Now, I’m still relishing the fact that I need not do anything academic for the rest of the week!

Merry Christmas Guys. Friday, Dec 25 2009 

Heard this song in my church’s Christmas Concert.. richie and I agreed it’s very nice haha.

Hmmm my Baby
Heaven sent you to me
All the worlds been praying
Who will Save?
But who am I
That here tonight
I hold the one
Who’ll Bring us life

Hallelujah,
We’ve been found
A child is born
To save us now
Hallelujah light has come
A Savior who will set us free
A Promise for those who believe

Do you hear the Angels
Sing for you my baby
Men and kings have come to
Bow to you
But here in my arms

So close to me
The son of God
Now all can see

Hallelujah We’ve been found
A child is born to save us now
Jesus Halleluiah light has come
A savior set us free

So praise to God on high
He has heard our cry

– Hallelujah (Light has come) – BarlowGirl

Woohoo What Life. Wednesday, Dec 16 2009 

Going to school from 8 am to 5 / 6 pm from Mondays to Saturdays, then go home. Then school. Then home. Then school. Then home. Then church. Then school. Then home. all the way until 5th January. Ok not really i mean there’s christmas concerts and a few sparse outings here and there. But if I don’t do this school/home routine I will never finish my FYP. 20 days to go… simulations still running. WISH ME ALL THE BEST IF YOU CAN. THANKS. 😦

oh and did i mention my fyp prof is going to kill me tomorrow. because i just sent him four freaking mails in a row. First mail with results + explanations. Second mail with erratum to explanation. Third mail with erratum to results and new attachment. Fourth mail with erratum to third mail, and filled with apologetic words. Argh. Ok going to bite the bullet tomorrow. this one is really my fault.

Protected: Really dying for my FYP Wednesday, Dec 9 2009 

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YC ’09 – Freed – Day One Sunday, Dec 6 2009 

Memory verse of the camp:
[Romans 26:18] “… to open their eyes, in order to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who are sanctified by faith in Me”.

Day 1 focus – “to open their eyes”

• What is “open their eyes”
o Obviously not a physical healing work
o But a ministry to help people who suffer from spiritual blindness.

• Spiritual Blindness
o A condition hard to detect. People who are spiritually blind may not know that they are blind. Or that they know that they are blind but show no desire to heal this condition.

Question #1 to ask ourselves: Do we have spiritual blindness or spiritual sight?

Spiritual Blindness manifests itself in several aspects:

1) Extreme Characteristics (Acts 9 and Acts 22)

a. Intolerance of other people (i.e. “then Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord”, c.f. [Acts 9:1])
b. Wicked intentions (i.e. “asked letters from him to the synagogues of Damascus so that if he found any who were of the Way, whether men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem”, c.f. [Acts 9:2])
c. Viciousness (i.e. “I persecuted this Way to the death…”, c.f. [Acts 22:4])
d. Vindictiveness (i.e. “delivering into prisons both men and women”, c.f. [Acts 22:4])
e. Self-Righteousness (i.e. “I am indeed a Jew, born in Tarsus of Cilicia, but brought up in this city at the feet of Gamaliel, taught according to the strictness of our fathers’ law, and was zealous toward God as you all are today”, c.f. [Acts 22:3])

2) Hardening of the Mind

a. [2 Corinthians 3:14] “But their minds were blinded.”
b. During today’s lesson, we can choose to respond in both ways. Either:
i. We can see it as new insights learnt, and marvel at what we learn, appreciating the value of it
ii. We can switch off, our mind cannot understand, we don’t even try. We don’t see the value.
c. Has the “magic” of Christmas died down after all these years? Have we felt tired of reading the Bible? If so, these are signs of hardening.
d. Do we read the Bible? If we do read the Bible, do we understand the Bible? If we do understand the Bible, do we apply them to our lives? If the answer is ‘no’ to any of the above, then these are signs of hardening, i.e. spiritual blindness.

3) Lack of Spiritual Growth

a. [2 Peter 1:5 – 9] Apostle Peter instructs us to not stop at having faith in Jesus Christ. We must add virtue, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness etc. to our faith.
b. Fruits of the Spirit and spiritual growth assure us that our salvation in Christ is genuine.
c. If we don’t see ourselves growing spiritually, then Peter says, in [2 Peter 1:9], “For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness…”
d. We are spiritually blind. Second part of [2 Peter 1:9] implies that it can happen to a believer, who has genuine saving faith in Christ. But if you don’t grow spiritually, even if you are genuinely saved, you do not have this assurance that you are saved.

Spiritual Blindness is confirmed in several aspects:

1) History – The Book of Acts wrote that Paul was spiritually blind even though he was not aware of it. Just like Hitler claims that he is Christian and that he is doing the right thing, history reveals that he is wrong.
2) Reputation – [Acts 9:13-14]. Even contemporaries of Paul have heard of what he had done.
3) Self-confession – [1 Timothy 1:13]. Paul admits himself, that he was once a blasphemer, persecuter, and an insolent man.

Spiritual Blindness is caused by several aspects:

1) Self – Extreme Characteristics, as mentioned above.

2) Satan – [2 Corinthians 4:3-4]. .. “whose minds the god of this age has blinded” “god of this age” refers to Satan. When Satan blinds our eyes, he hardens our thought.

3) Sin – If we harbour unconfessed sin in our lives, and not dealing with it, then the blindness remains. We can say that “we see” (i.e. self-righteousness), but by saying that “we see”, it reveals that we are actually blind, and the sin remains. (c.f. [John 9:41])

Spiritual Blindness cannot be cured by our own efforts.

Spiritual Blindness can only be cured by God. But God doesn’t just cure everyone of their spiritual blindness. So who does God cure?

1) [Acts 9:9] reveals that after Paul was struck by physical blindness, to teach him a lesson that he had been spiritually blind all along.

2) Paul’s response was that he did not eat or drink.
a. Not because he was hungry
b. But because he was upset that he was blind.

3) Jesus, in [Acts 9:11], reveals that at that time, Paul was also praying.

4) This brings us to a conclusion. To be healed of our spiritual blindness, we need to:
a. Be distressed with our spiritual condition. We need to be so upset and sick and tired of our sinful practices and know that we cannot help ourselves. We must see the seriousness of our sins.
b. Be praying constantly to God, asking Him to help us.

Question #2 to ask ourselves: If we have spiritual blindness, are we ready to be healed by God of our spiritual blindness?

Predestination Sunday, Dec 6 2009 

This is a doctrine which I’ve always have difficulty comprehending, and accepting. It’s also partially my fault since I didn’t really read too much into it and just accepted whatever people say.

Anyway in today’s Sunday School we actually spent the whole lesson on this topic. To my surprise, my sunday school teacher actually taught the Arminian view of predestination, that is, God chose His elect, according to His foreknowledge, meaning He kinda knew who would accept Him and who would reject Him in their lifetimes and hence elected based on this (c.f. 1 Peter 1:2, Romans 8:29-30). Considering we are Presbyterians which is mostly Calvinist in thought this was really surprising.

And then we had a minor debate on which view is correct, because some of us are convinced that the Arminian view of election is wrong. Until one of us brought out, extremely aptly, that the most important thing is that we *should* be grateful that we even have the ability to respond to the gospel to begin with. In Calvinist frame of thought this means we are “chosen”. In Arminian frame of thought this means we put in the effort to respond to the gospel and hence God chose us based on this foreknowledge. Both lead to happy endings… or do they?

It has also been brought up regarding those who really wanted to seek God and did put in effort to seek God but ultimately leave God due to unbelief. Does that mean it’s not their fault since they are not chosen by God? Supposing the Calvinist predestination is correct. Does that mean we have no free will?

I guess my conclusion has not changed even after the debate we have. It is true that on our own we are unable to respond to the gospel. It is true that the Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin and stirs us to take a response, but that we can resist the Holy Spirit (Felix from the book of Acts comes to mind.) It is true that God chooses us from the beginning to be His children. At the same time, it is also true that we have to put in effort to seek Him and accept the “gift” of salvation. In fact these two happens at the same time. How that can happen and still reconcile with the view of predestination as well as human conscious response, is too big to be comprehended by our limited human mind. Yes, taking the easy way out here, lol. But until I read more, this is what I’ll contend with. Regardless, the truth is still unchanged: the offer of salvation is extended to all, but only those who willingly accept it will be saved.

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